Was That Me?

Very often I find myself in situations where I am concentrating on something very deeply. Trying to solve problems in an ingenuitive fashion, pondering on society altering ideas, or counting how many people break the red traffic light outside my office window.

I then imagine projects like how best to set up an automated paint gun that would cover them in many colours of happiness should they trip the switch.

I'm in the zone.

What's nice about being in this mindset is how peaceful it is. It is pure creativity. There are no distractions, deadlines, or doubts. I don't even need to acquire the technical skills to implement the ideas, I can be an expert in every arena.

I can even fly if I want to, imagining in my minds eye soaring above buildings, plunging down into a lake to swim beside a submarine, or navigating through the myriad intricacies of a technical issue that has been holding me up for days.

Can I stay here forever?

Very often this unlimited realm of abilities and ideas is in direct competition with other parallel worlds for my devoted attention, and I find myself semi-present in both. My body is absorbing the stimuli from its surroundings while my mind manages and coordinates reactions in both. It's a fair deal, because a lot of things don't require my full attention. Meetings, chit chat, cooking, blogging, and such, so I tend to drift off to keep myself entertained. This is only natural, as these things are totally non-productive so I should exercise my mind. It's very important to keep all of your faculties active.

Interaction Issues

But the dangerous part is when I have to interact with others around me, yet I've already blotted out their presence. You see, there appears to be a part of my brain which is autonomous, and not fully inheriting the master settings. I've often wondered where this piece of malware or misconfiguration might be hiding out, but so far I've not found it.

Trail of Destruction

It has certain tendencies which often invoke sudden and violent turbulence to my flights of fancy. These glitches tend to bring the full implication of my surroundings down upon me when I am most removed from them.

You see, it reacts of its own accord without consulting me. Delivers opinions and takes actions, that in the strictest sense are not in my best interest, either short term or long term.

Hey, aren't there whole economic theories based around this not happening?

I find this confusing. Its my brain and my body, how can they do things without clearing it with me first? While I am all for delegating responsibilities and spreading the division of labour nice and thin, there is the whole aspect of performance and accountability to also factor in, and here is the part where it falls down.

The real problems arise when the autonomous part of my brain just takes over. Usually the verbal controls are hijacked in a public setting, just for maximum impact. I've sometimes been snapped back into reality on hearing a voice, just like my own, saying something that has clearly not been vetted by me as appropriate for public utterance.

Warts and all, deal with it!

A particularly black and white interpretation of events here, a forceful opinion which contradicts others there, and bang! It's just blurted out. No framing of the argument, no faux manners, no appreciation of the deeper delicacies or politics of a moment.

 Wasp Nest Kicking

People don't like it, most of the time. I sit there absorbing the situation listening to this part of me get all up in someones face about a topic, rattling off long winded opinionated sentences without referencing the facts stated, or playfully stirring a giant can of worms for kicks.

My normal reaction is a mixture of excitement, shock, and a further separation from my physical being. I kind of opt out of the self-preservation responsibility and think.

Screw it, no backing out now, let this guy do whatever he is doing and enjoy the spectacle.

And the voice stays talking while I recoil in shock at what is happening, the tone being used, and sometimes the opinion being voiced.

There is no thinking involved, I know because I am in control of the brain and its not being used. There is no intelligence being shown, I know what clever sounds like and this is not it. And no allowances are being made for all those mitigating factors in life that need to be accounted for when making a judgement or forming an opinion. It's just so crude and blunt.

I mean damn it, it's eventually going to fall on me to fix, and all I can do is sit there, let part of me go AWOL, and prepare for the blow back.

What really annoys me though, is most of the time, what this out of control idiot says is right!